♥ LIFE IS a PROCESS, NOT a PRODUCT

     ACoAs hold unattainable standards of

     perfection.  When they forget that life is

     a process & expect instant & perfect

     achievement of their goals, they need to

     remind themselves that learning comes by 

     trial & error, NOT trial & success!

  ♥ MIND YOUR OWN PROCESS

     ACoAs are so used to being enmeshed in

     the family’s chaos & confusion, and so  

     addicted to to excitement of the drama,

     that they tend to get involved with every

     new crisis that comes along - even the ones

     on TV.  Other people’s craziness is NOT

     their business

  ♥ RECOVERING from “DON’T MIND ME”

     ACoAs are not good at setting limits based

     on their own needs.  Even if they know 

     intuitively when to say ‘No’, emotionally

     they still doubt they have rights, so they

     feel guilty asserting them. It’s OK ( and

     imperative) to have boundaries.

  ♥ THIS MAY NOT BE SO

     Afraid of facing the residual chaos &

     confusion of childhood, ACoAs invent

     stories to define their reality.  Allowing

     for the possibility that they may not know

     what’s going on in any given situation

     creates opportunities to experience WHAT

     IS, including the wonder & delight of the 

     universe

  ♥ A THOUGHT FOR EVERY FEELING,

      A FEELING FOR EVERY THOUGHT

      ACoAs tend to be either without affect  

      (emotion) or with so much on the surface  

      that it’s hard to get in touch with the real  

      emotions underneath. They need to connect  

      with their true emotions - understand,

      accept & express them appropriately

  ♥ BE HERE NOW

     Many ACoAs are trapped in the pain of the  

     past & are afraid of the future. In

     experiencing the moment they get

     overwhelmed by their inability to control

     life’s events.  They need to cultivate an

     adventurous spirit & a willingness to be in

     the present, no matter what

  ♥ FUN IS FOR FUN

     Feeling good & having fun is hard for ACoAs.

     Since they were not taught to nurture

     themselves or be lighthearted, they feel

     guilty when enjoying things/ ‘wasting time’ /

     don’t make every moment significant.  They 

     have to remember it’s OK to space out, do   

     nothing, feel good

  ♥ I GIVE YOU & YOU GIVE ME

     ACoA have been so hurt in the name of love,

     that as adults they avoid equal intimate

     relationships.  Being open to receiving &

     learning to give appropriately are important

     aspects of recovery

  ♥ IT’S NOT ALL UP TO ME

     The feeling of being responsible is insidious,

     subtle & very deep for ACoAs. They blame

     themselves for everything that happens

     around them. They need to learn that

     they’re not in charge of other people &  

     situations, only themselves

    Emotionally Sober PARENTS Provide:

     ✶ Love, empathy, praise, acceptance, a sense of self-worth

     ✶ Emotional & mental stimulation (talking, feeling, touching)

     ✶ Individuation;   Sense of security;   Appropriate identity model

     ✶ Stability, permanence, continuity of care

     ✶ Opportunities & rewards for learning & mastery

     ✶ Adequate standard of reality;  Control of aggression

     ✶ Limits, moral guidance, consequences for behavior

     ✶ Opportunity for extra-familial experiences

     ✶ Sense of security, realistic protection from harm

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