BOUNDARIES are like SKIN, not walls!                          

         Bs  LET THINGS IN                                          Bs  KEEP THINGS IN

         - love, generosity, praise                                - some opinions

         - info @ how the world works                           - some emotions

         - knowledge, help                                            - damage 

         - enjoyment,  humor                                        - secrets, flaws

         - info @ others (cues)                                       -  private issues

         - emotional healing                     

           Bs  LET THINGS OUT                                     Bs  KEEP THINGS OUT

          - comfort, support                                         - all types of abuse

          - many emotions                                            - expectations

          - abilities, talents                                         - demands, invasions

          - help, understanding                                    - over-stimulation

          - your knowledge                                           

1) So you can deal with the OUTSIDE 

        WORLD positively

  • by Screening: to protect from danger

    or unpleasantness

  -- cut down intake of too much noise, info, 

     activities, people

  -- eliminate toxic people, substances,   

    locations (when possible)

  -- protect from subtle manipulation, too

    many demands, confusing communications   

   • by Interpreting: to understand the  

    particular meaning of something

  -- be able to read situations accurately

  -- not assume everyone or everything is

    dangerous to you

  -- correctly assess what someone is saying

    or wanting from you

  -- think of 2-3 opposite causes for events

    (not just negative ones)

2)   So you can manage YOUR  

      INTERACTIONS with the world

  • by Modulating self: to temper, soften,

     tone down, comfortably vary

  -- not over-react to ‘normal’ situations

  -- choose when & where to be boisterous 

     vs silent, angry or rageful, when to fight

     vs back down....

  -- know when to say something & when not

  • by Regulating self:to adjust according 

    to a standard in order to insure success

  -- behave appropriately, depending on

      the venue & event (from self-respect)

  -- pick the right time to communicate your

    upset / bad news ...with someone

  -- to accomplish a goal: follow the rules   

     of the relevant group you want to

     interact with (if not in conflict with

     your personal values)

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