EXPLANATION

    Whether people mean to or not, they  

    say stupid, angry, thoughtless,  

    unhelpful - even mean - things to us

    (we do too, sometimes...)

    Many ACoAs have no idea how to

    respond effectively &  appropriately 

    (from the ‘Healthy Adult’ part of us)

    At the time, we feel shock at what

    was said (unprepared),  so we either:

a) are mute - & maybe later think of    

    things we could have said, but too late!

b) OR we say something ineffectual, 

    inane or embarrassing

c) OR we say something nasty, & then 

    feel bad about ourselves! (& maybe       

    start a fight!)

   Growing up we didn’t have good role  

   models / teachers to give us words for

   self-protection & self-respect!  Without

   the right ‘Adult’ language we feel weak,   

   vulnerable, one-down & self-hating.

   SO  - here are some phrase you can  

   MEMORIZE, so they are available to  

   you - even when you’re under stress.

   If you practice saying them to yourself  

   often, they’ll come out automatically  

   when you need them!  Really.

   You may think these phases are harsh  

   or inflammatory - but consider:

a)  why are you letting them off the hook?

b)  these are ‘Adult’,  not ‘angry child’

    or ‘bad parent’ phrases

    It stops people in their tracks.

    They’ll either apologize, re-state or 

    just back up.  AND it feels great! 

    YEAH!

   ➣ No I don’t

   ➣ What’s your point?

   ➣ Why are you saying it like that ?

   ➣ What did you just say?

   ➣ What do you mean?

   ➣ Why does that bother you?

   ➣ Now, say something nice

   ➣ Please rephrase - nicely!

   ➣ That is / was unacceptable!

   ➣ So what do you suggest?

   ➣ Please don’t talk to me like that

   ➣ That’s not what I was talking about

   ➣ What does this have to do with you?

   ➣ That has nothing to do with me

   ➣ That’s not who I am

   ➣ Is that what you would do?

   ➣ How does that help me?

   ➣ You’re not being clear

   ➣ Thank you for sharing !

   ➣ If you say so...

   ➣ I’m not you !

   ➣ No you didn’t!

 

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