STATEMENTS that MEAN “NO!”
• I don’t feel like it
• I don’t know
• I’m confused
• I’m scared
• I’m not ready
• Please! Don’t!
• Maybe (not)
• Let’s take our time / go slow
• I don’t like this
• It’s getting late
• I need to get home
• I don’t feel good about this
• I don’t want to get AIDS
• I know we’ve done this before
but don’t want to now
• I only do it with people I really
care about: I don’t know you
well enough
• I don’t want to do more than
petting
• I don’t know that I like you
that much
BOUNDARIES (Bs) - Unhealthy
ACTIONS which Mean “NO”!
• Looking down
• Cringing
• Moving away
• Avoid being alone with the other
• Reluctant to get into a car
• Pulling back from touch
• Hesitating to go with
• Stammering (if unusual)
B. INVASIONS
PHYSICAL / SEXUAL
You :
• Falling in love at first sight (just because
someone seems interested / reaches out)
• Intimate sharing on first meeting
• Inability to distinguish between love and sex
• Having sex when you do not want to
• Feeling a need to always be in a sexual
relationship
• Attaching self-esteem to sexual attraction
• Not protecting your own need for privacy
• Allowing others to take as much as they can
from you
The Other:
• using physical intimidation
• touching others without asking
• manipulating another person emotionally
with sex
• using sex as a reward or punishment
• forcing sex on someone who does not want it
• physical / emotional abuse during sex
• not allowing others their privacy
MENTAL / EMOTIONAL
You:
• need for constant reassurance from others
• over-react to feelings or behavior of others
• inability to ask for help
• over-giving, people-pleasing
• unclear about one own preferences
• butting in on other’s emotions, pressing them
for info, try to fix their pain
• assuming others know what you feel or
what they need
• making material gifts the measure of
another’s caring OR accepting unwanted gifts
The Other:
• verbal abuse / making threats
• intolerance to difference in opinion
• not respecting the rights of others
• insisting others tell you how they feel
• assuming you know what someone else feel
• frequent advice-giving, expecting others to
follow it
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists